They blinded me with science

I get email...

A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Bushcronium."

Bushcronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311. These 311 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. The symbol for Bushcronium is "W".

Bushcronium's mass actually increases over time, since each reorganization causes more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Bushcronium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "critical morass."

When catalyzed with money, Bushcronium activates Foxnewsium, an element that radiates by orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has half as many peons but twice as many isodopes.